about an open heart and closed doors

I keep thinking about the mess you've made and the space you left between my veins like you were some kind of disease i cured myself from.
A disease that left marks and scars that still shows.
A disease that turned itself into a very beautiful feeling and now it's making someone else feels like the most perfect girl in the world.
Just like it used to do with me.
Just like you used to make me feel.
And because of you i'll never be the same.
I'll never be the same cause i can't look at anyone else like i used to look at you.
I can't feel anyone else.
I can't breath anyone else.
I can't hate anyone else
and,
of course,
I can't love anyone else.
Because it wasn't love.
It wasn't something healthy and endless.
It was fear of losing you all the damn time,
because i knew i was daddy's little girl
while you were universe's child.
It was
Incompatibility
Irresponsability
and
fear.
And i'm still afraid.
Afraid because it's been months since you've left me with an open heart and open hands and I still wait for you to come back.
Afraid because you found someone that fits you perfectly.
Afraid because i feel sick when I read the things you write about her.
Afraid because there's you in everything I write.
Afraid because there's you in everything I do.
Afraid because I know, deep in my soul, that you're not coming back.
You'll never come back.
And I can't find a way to close the fucking door I opened for you.
But i've closed doors for everyone else.